I used to be a person of low self-confidence and I think it was a result of hitting puberty late while ironically being mature for my age. In essence as a teenager I had to dumb myself down to somewhat "fit in" which is tragic as I think that stinted my mental growth for years which I was only able to recover as an adult. I took a lot of mental abuse by my classmates and it took a while to recover. You can imagine what this did with my self-confidence in approaching women, but with getting older you realize that human relations are like the right chemistry mix needed in order to produce something that isn't toxic (although some like - prefer it that)!
So what changed? Well I am not the person I want to be, but my interactions with so many different people these past 10 years have shaped the way I see people, myself and how I view the world. More importantly I've thought often about what it means the rhetorical question "what cares what others think"? One of my ex bosses who reads books on psychology, gave me a great piece of advice and it's that "everyone has their own particular view of life and of how they see things". Their perception of reality is most likely different than yours, be it greatly or slightly; so with this train of thought I propose this question: Why should I succumb to, or accept the views that others have, and have them forced upon me as my own? I'll give a tangible example. Suppose you have a song that you really like and it really motivates you. Along comes a shallow, pretentious person, (or it could even be someone pleasant, who knows?) who mocks you for it, and quite often does it in the presence of others as quite often this is a method of self-vindication. I'd ask the monkey, "And you're guaranteeing me something superior? I have to stop because you say so? Who the hell are you?"
What has shaped my mentality in recent years has been numerous factors: 1. living abroad for 5.5 years will do that. 2. Living alone and making my own rules of what normal is (yet not going to extremes)! 3. A further understanding of the Catholic faith and that no one is superior over another or over the Lord; that all that you accomplish here will be left here on your last day. With the latter thought, I look at people in this light, and I try not to hate or have bad feelings. I think, "if we all equal under this premise, how can your personal opinions, tastes or ways of living be automatically much better than mine"? Also, the world is a big place and I believe that the more you explore it, the more you meet other people, the more you learn about yourself and the world. Italian living, in other words living in apartments and in close quarters with their neighbors puts them in close contact with society, and thus a rich culture is created as well as an interesting perception on human behavior. It is a perception based on frequent empirical encounters (real life encounters. I use this word as after many boring readings of academic articles, I know how to use it, but I refuse to use it anymore as I find it disturbing how so many people use it in their writings....drones if you will.) I am also used to being unique both here and in Italy, and when you feel that there aren't that many of you around the area, you could tend to become independently minded. I think that EVERYONE at some point in their lives ought to single and independent, at least for 6 months.
Vabeh, ok, I still do live in modern society, so in way we all do conform in some way or another. But in matters where I have freedom to choose certain things like style, opinions, what I find funny or don't, I, and I alone want to be the judge of that. To reiterate what I said before, do we really want some dumbass to dictate how things "must" be done or what we think? I realize I am repeating what has been said before by many others, but I think the more we repeat these ideas/slogans, the more others read them, they might start to give them more credence and reflect a bit more. I'd be flattered if a lonely teen with no self-esteem reads this. Since I feel better about myself while gracefully accepting my new age of 35, I feel it is my duty as a member of the human race to help others as my education has come from just this; contact with others and the world.
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