Chasing people

My father has always told me to not chase people. Chase people in the sense don't keep pestering them to do what you want them to do. Of course we don't aways take our parents advice as it's only normal to not listen to someone you know well and who can get on your nerves sometimes. Also, when you know someone well, a gf, friend, parent etc. you eventually see them make a mistake or are wrong about something, so you tend to disregard thinking that this is another one of those times, them even when you really shouldn't. But my dad has always been right about this: don't chase people. As an adult and as someone who unfortunately learns by doing things the hard way I now better understand what this means. I think this piece of advice has been more obvious to me in terms of love in particular with what happened yesterday.

I won't get into details as it's not worth it. I wrote a letter on Word to my last gf, Cristina, a girl I dated from Aug 2013-Summer of last year who with me had always been cold, distant and superficial. Up until recently I still thought that some kind of future was possible although I always had my doubts and deep down I knew she wasn't right for me. Two days ago I wrote up my thoughts about us, her and why I thought she was superficial. Her answer? "You're right". Well, that pretty much cements the whole thing and I don't care. I just feel better that it's now officially over. I took my dad's advice and I will not chase her or anyone who doesn't want to be with me or even friends with me. I do admit that we have to be the ones who once in a while have to initiate contact and extend an olive branch, perhaps more than once. But what's important is that we realize quickly who isn't returning the ball served to them, as if human contact and relations were a metaphorical game of tennis.

While this piece of advice is good, I am not so cut and dry when it comes to relationships. They require more work and more patience. This might be why I am not always so quick to break up with someone; it just seems to vicious to tell someone bluntly, directly or indirectly, "I do NOT want to be with you". I have learned in life that there are often circumstances that we aren't aware of, or difficulties that others go through of which we are not aware of which could make someone seem distant. I grant that and I am empathetic when I am aware of the facts. But anyone who knows me, knows that I don't insist anyone do anything they don't want to, or the way I want things done. I am not a bossy, authoritative person so it's against my being to impose my will on someone. Now that may seem strange coming from a person who is doing an MA in TESOL (what is TESOL?!....no one has ever heard of this! google it), but when I am getting paid to be a boss then I will act like one.

I am not chasing anyone, if not being a pest means I have to spend some time alone then so be it. I'll end this with two credos that I live by: If someone or someone is important enough, you find and make the time. I treat others the way they treat me. If I seem too intense, Good! So be it.

Good Weather

I view good weather as a form of positivity and also something which could inadvertently make us sad. The sun, as has been proven is capable of producing a chemical reaction within our eyes which release endorphins. So I am all for the sun. But it can also give us false hope that good weather cures all. I've had plenty of bad days in which the sun didn't cure all. I've often said that I don't like the afternoon as for me it is a blah time if I have nothing to do. But one thing I like is the afternoon sun rays which come in from the window. They're beautiful and it's almost as if the light of God is coming in to touch us and comfort us.

It's hard to stay up when it's dark and rainy, and I picked the wrong country to study in, so it seems! But I've seen plenty of sun in my life that I always carry it inside of me.

Autonomy

I would argue that everyone need to be autonomous at some stage in their lives. It's a wonderful thing to be able to provide for yourself in every sense of the word, especially emotionally. My father always told me to not depend on anyone. Now why is that? Well, I believe that this way of thought is created due to a certain number of factors: human error, selfishness in that people look after themselves first before they worry about you. But, focusing more on the emotional side of autonomy I believe it to be a valuable self-defence mechanism against times in your life in which you are alone and disappointed by friends and people you love. In my case I have certainly experienced both. It's a very difficult thing to learn to live with yourself, like yourself and allow yourself to form a hard exterior which in a way shields yourself from life's disappointments. I realize this may seem to like a pessimistic approach in life, but I am capable of optimism. However it's a way to protect yourself against life's bows and arrows which is something positive

I think what else has spawned this sense of being in myself has been my interaction with others in all the places that I have lived. I have met many people and have had my ups and downs in human relations both in love, friendship and the professional world. One valuable thing I have learned is that we are all far from compatible. Why this is so, is God's mystery. With this said, it's only logical that we are going to be disappointed in our encounters with others as we are forcing ourselves to mesh something together, to put a square peg into a circle. To give another metaphor, we are all like a puzzle with billions of tiny pieces and it takes time to find the right match. The point is this: when you've been through enough episodes where you are the square and the other person is a weird shape that you can hardly recognize, why try and make things fit? When you've been through of these times you begin to not care anymore and it allows you to concentrate more on yourself, your faults, your positive qualities and your self-confidence which in the end makes you a stronger person

I am not promoting a hermits way of life, certainly not, I need friends too and social interaction as I think the more we interact with others the more we learn about ourself. The more we isolate ourselves the more I think we develop strange behaviors and ways of thinking. This somewhat touches on my Reality post a few weeks ago, but I'll reiterate here; why let others dictate how you feel about yourself? This is harder when you are younger I realize this and I think this is why I like being an adult as school days are long gone. Well not exactly for me, but I mean the years during your formative years.

Half way

I am at the half way point in my MA program. What have I learned? I am not sure to be honest. I am brutally honest with myself and I use this word as it is how I accurately portray myself and the high standards I set for myself (which I don't meet). I think....that this program has at least got me thinking in the right direction in regards to teaching and made me aware that you have to be well prepared as a teacher and always keep your students needs in mind. Dont waste their time. I think I knew that in Italy though.

I intend to force myself to keep reading academic related stuff (and I really hope that happens) and to buy a good grammar book to be on top of the material that I teach. What has been made obvious to me is that my personality is conducive to teaching as you have to have a good rapport with your students, otherwise it makes learning impossible. What I want to have happen is that I can be able to design lessons which accomplish the following: they learn! they have fun, they are stimulated and that I can provide them with language that they can use, that is used and can be applied to whatever needs they may have. What I also hope happens is that I get support from whatever school I work out so they can assist me in creating those fun, interesting and worthwhile lessons. It would be a bonus if I can work with adults, or a school that will pay for me to get further certified to work in the public sector. I think once you work in that kind of environment you are in for life and you have job security. Let's keep my fingers crossed.

I am looking forward to finishing here to be honest. Aston Uni is nice and I have made some cool friends here, the occasional parties are cool and we are right in the city centre, but I miss having an apt, a real job etc etc. I am 35 and I have lived in the real world for many years. Looking forward to rejoining it.

Italian citizenship

This post is for anyone of Italian descent and would like some information on how they can acquire Italian citizenship. I didn't actually acquire it, rather I inherited it from my great-grandfather; it was treated as a birth right. The better word for it is "recognized" which is exactly what was done for me at the Italian Consulate in NY. It was really no different than any other immigrant who comes to a foreign country, has a child who via the parents obtains dual citizenship, that of the parents and the country in which the kid was born (NB this doesn't apply to every country). This was my case, only 3 generations further down the family tree.

Guidelines To anyone who wants Italian citizenship, the most important things to find out are the following:

1. Who was from Italy

2. when they came to America, Brazil, Argentina (the new country) ..

3. is the immigrant a woman (I'll get into that eventually),

4. did they become an American citizen and if so when?

My path to Italian citizenship was rather easy, at least as far as eligibility was concerned. The path went in this direction: Paternal Great-grandfather, grandfather, father, me. All males. All same last name and my father's name is identical as his nonno. In this, it was rather easy to see the family connection and I imagine it was easier for the Italian consulate to decide my case.

Andiamo a Torre Del Greco Once I established that my bisnonno had most likely never became a US citizen I decided to go to his town, Torre Del Greco, near Napoli and go to the town hall to request a copy of his birth and marriage certificate which was no easy task. My only advantage was that I am not a pushy person and I spoke the language. It was quite an emotional experience as in the end I had written documentation of a direct descendant from Italy in my hands. But the hardest part I'd say was getting the proof from the US side that he was never an American citizen and for this I wrote to the US dept of Homeland Security. I waited for months to get a response back and that was very nerve wracking. In fact I asked a local politician to step in for me and less than a week later I got the letter I wanted! The letter came back saying "No records found". What that meant was that my bisnonno was possibly an illegal alien his whole life, but more importantly, STILL ITALIAN and thus at the time of my grandpa's birth his father was able to pass on his citizenship (although I doubt this was actually done.)

Proper Documents The next step was to get birth, death, marriage and divorce documents for all 4 generations involved (if they applied) and then you needed to get an international notary stamp on the non-Italian documents. After that I had to call the NY Italian consulate and make an appointment to have the documents looked at. That was a pain in the ass as you had to wait months for the appointment and I believe it's now a years wait time AND the number to call them is a 1-900 number. I had a total of 3 appointments. Worse was the incompetent staff there who were rather disorganized and each one had their own view of what the correct procedure was. For example, I also needed some documents translated (fortunately I did them myself), and each time I got conflicting instructions as to which ones needed it. I was relieved when everything was in order and the whole process took me 3 years from when I first went to Torre Del Greco in 2005 to receiving the Italian passport in 2008. Once the documents are in order, they send your birth certificate off to the Italian ascendant's town where it is registered at the town hall (in Italy). This thus is further proof of your Italian citizenship as you can collect a copy of your birth certificate like any other citizen (which I did).

Eligibility Getting back to the aspect of eligibility, not everyone is, unfortunately. It is important to establish the guidelines that I mentioned in the second paragraph. I was eligible as at the time of my grandfather's birth (born in the USA) his father, the Italian immigrant, was still a citizen of Italy and therefore citizenship was able to be transmitted to my grandfather. In other words, what Italian law requires is that at the time of birth of the first child born in the new country (this is my grandfather), the immigrant must still be a citizen of Italy in order for his children to be eligible for dual citizenship. I've mentioned this twice as I want to make it clear and stress its importance.

No Citizenship Now I will give you a case in which it cannot be passed on. This is the case of my great-uncle Antonio who was my grandfather's brother born Torre Del Greco and immigrated at the age of 2. My grandfather was the last of 6 kids in which half were born in Torre Del Greco and half in Boston. Naturally all the ones born in Torre were children when they went to America. In Antonio's case, he became a US citizen before his first child was born and unfortunately back then this was seen as renouncing his Italian citizenship under Italian law. Therefore, citizenship could not be passed on, so my dad's cousin, whose father was Antonio is ineligible (not that he wants it!). If an Italian citizen became a US citizen, this was fine providing the birth of his children happened before taking up American citizenship. I don't know if this law still applies or what that means for siblings who were born before AND after the acquisition of US citizenship of the parent occurred. Also, in regards to the documents needed, a copy of a US naturalization certificate is requested if US citizenship was taken up.

Female side Now the part concerning the mother. Italy was in some aspects still is an arguably male-dominated society. Women weren't granted the right to vote till 1948. This is relevant as under Italian law, a woman was not able to transmit Italian citizenship if she was born before that year. So anyone who wishes recognition of their Italian citizenship, (often called Jus sanguinis) must see if they are getting it via a man or a woman, unfair as that may sound in modern times! I am not an expert on this aspect of the law for citizenship, but I do know having a woman involved in the mix made and still makes things complicated for applicants. One must also consider that once a woman got married and changed her last name it makes it a bit more difficult to prove lineage when you have this variation in names. Fortunately this wasn't my case! Had I decided to go the route via my paternal grandmother, that would have been possible but more difficult as I'd have to have done it via her father who became a US citizen and I believe it was after she was born.

The Benefits I've greatly enjoyed having my Italian citizenship being recognized. I feel more connected to my roots and I am legally Italian-American (not just a cultural pseudo-name ). I've lived in Europe since 2009 and I dont have to worry about visas, or being deported for whatever reason. I've also qualified for lower tuition here at Aston as I am an EU student and I have also been able to be hired by summer camps here in the UK because I have EU status. To those who are interested in this path, feel free to contact me. A pre-warning: it's full of frustration. I won't sugar coat it. It is a purely circumstantial situation in which the difficulties differ from one case to another. It also depends on which consulate you have to deal with.

Advice 1. Be WELL prepared and find out which documents you need before you even set foot in that office where they review all the documents. 2. Call and make the appointment immediately as you have to wait a year anyway. If they ask you if your documents are all set, say yes anyway or else they will tell you to call back. 3. Be prepared to be rejected as they tend to not be organized. I would definitely throw the law back in their faces and quote from something official of what is required, this prevents individual interpretation of the law. Also, call their hotline and ask exactly what is needed. Or write me here and I'll do what I can!

General guidelines As I stated above, every case is different and things can be dramatically different from one case to another. But I believe I can provide some general advice for anyone looking to take on this unique quest. I have in part already stated what is needed above but I will repeat it again as it's important to be accurate with the Italian consulate

1. You will without a doubt need these documents: Marriage, Death, Divorce documents.

2. All Italian documents are fine and need nothing more done to them. All non-Italian document need what is called an Apostille which is in essence an international notary stamp. In the US, those can be obtained at the State Capitol building. I had to get them from Massachusetts, Connecticut and Illinois. Massachusetts was the easiest as far as cost and time for processing was concerned. It was 5$ per document and it was done right there while you wait. Connecticut was 20$ and you had to have it sent via mail after you visit the state Capitol building. Now granted this was all close to 10 years ago, so costs and times could very well have changed by now. But getting the Apostille has not changed.

3. Optional documents: US certificate of Naturalization. Obviously if this is pertinent. (In my case it wasn't an issue). They might also want military records although for my great-grandfather they didnt ask even though he was in the military 100 years ago!

.4. Translations I had to translate the following: Birth, death and marriage certificates for all 3 generations. They asked for the divorce ones of my father to be translated but I didnt do them as I didn't think they were 100% relevant to the process and luckily they didnt ask why I hadn't translated them. This is somewhat a grey area unfortunately. As I stated above, the consulate is very inconsistent with procedure, so it is best to call them and have them tell you what is needed. Fortunately, they weren't particular with who did the translations so I did them myself. What is important is that they are translated well.

5. ANY name change must be explained as the consulate must be able to link your lineage to the Italian in question. This is why when there is a woman involved in the process things could become complicated as her last name often changes when she gets married.

6. The whole point of the consulate asking for all these documents is that they want pertinent information on their citizens past, present and future.

7. Italian proficiency is not necessary to be recognized as an Italian citizen.

8. You can request a Codice Fiscale once you are a citizen which is equivalent of an American SSN or a British NI number. It's free.

In closing I would like to add that my information is from 7 years ago so things may have changed but what has changed is arguably a matter of details, costs and wait times. It is a frustrating process but so worth it! Buona fortuna!

Love sucks

I don't ever vent about my love life on the net, but since this blog seems to be primarily for me, why not have a little vent? I am not sure in all 35 years I have ever truly felt in love, at least to the point where it was fully returned. I've had infatuations and felt the pangs of love, but the overall full on sensation of love I'm not sure it's ever happened and I don't know if I will ever experience it. I suppose it's in part due to my own stubbornness and perhaps also my hangups on what I expect my lady to be. To get right down to it, I am obsessed with Italian roots and I don't want anyone "less." Noble idea yes, but in turn that does limit me and I suppose the price I pay is solitude. I begin to wonder if it is worth it to be so selective, the idea in itself at face value does seem superficial, I realize that. But it's how I am built and I dont think it's impossible to happen.

I am entering a mental state where I have been numerous times before and that is to not give a damn about my sentimental state and just focus on my own self-improvement. I miss being in love (or at least the promise of it) but I don't want it to rule my life and consume me which it seems to be doing unfortunately. Che ben venga/let it come, let her or the situation come about on its own as it's obvious that via my own efforts something will not happen. I think this can apply for many things; if you obsess over something, it eats you up and you can't live properly.

I have patience in life, patience when I don't feel like waiting, patience when I realize it's my only option. But, in the game of love, I am so uncertain when it is required, when it's the time to be persistent (gotta be a man and pursue the girl, especially when she shows no interest) and when it's time to keep your distance. What has never been in doubt is this: I know what I want and I know when I simply "click" with a person and this expands also into friendship. What I do want is something that was severely lacking in my last relationship and that was a reciprocal feeling of love, unconditional. My last gf told me I came with problems in the sense that I could up and leave her and go back to America or who knows where and I suspect she also didn't get the idea of coming here to study (seeing as how I took out a loan). One of the last times I saw her she said she loved me, but I don't believe her at all. It doesn't matter, it's finished. She's a superficial person and I wish her well. What I have always wanted is just someone who only has eyes for me. I had it with my college gf, but it wasnt meant to be and I had issues with her that couldnt get be fixed. I am happy we don't speak as it's better this way.

So what will I do? Keep up contacts. Pray. Concentrate on my schooling as I know it is so worth it in the end. Not be jealous of anyone. Have patience and I really should keep in mind the expression "Meglio single che mal accompagnato". But I really want to be this way forever and I haven't officially lost hope that I will get married and have a family some day. Tomorrow is a new day!

The Rich

I truly think the rich are en evil breed, or have the enormous potential of being so. What is inspiring this post is me having just watched the movie the Wolf of Wall Street in which I think DiCaprio did a good portrayal of a sleazy drug-addicted stock broker. This kinda person scares me and I find them very erratic and I dont think the character that DiCaprio portrays is that far off from the real kind of disgusting brokers that work in the real world.

But aside from the rich, I also have no respect for people with a superiority complex. This includes academics and anyone who uses their life experience as emotional leverage against someone they deem 'less' than them. On that note I must be careful not to think I am better than others based on my accomplishments in life. Rather I should just think of them as making me unique and leave it at that. But yeah, I don't tolerate arrogance in any way shape or form. I look at arrogant people as being stupid. Stupid in the sense that they lack the sense to know how to be humble and civil to all. With these people I take the approach of my father, "I treat people the way they treat me".

I think everyone should be poor at some point in their lives as when you have money you should appreciate it and not waste it. I can see this being me when I get a job eventually. Of course a little bit of pampering is fine as well all need a little luxury in life. But here I think is a VERY grey area in life in which people go nuts! Another thing I think we should all do is reach out to the homeless. This is a very cliche phrase, so I will give a practical example: go up to a homeless person and talk to them like they are a person which is what they are. Now I know there are a lot of fakers and people who buy drugs and the like, but they can't be all that bad. I did this a few nights ago. I approached a homeless guy whom I had bought a sandwich a few months ago and I didn't recognize him at first. Then we had a nice chat and he appreciated the company and the coffee. I don't know the exact details of his and there is probably a few things he wont tell me which would indicate exactly why he is on the streets, but the fact remains.....he is still on the streets. No one should live this way. Everyone deserves a bed, a comfortable place to live, access to medical care and healthy food. None of this will happen until mentalities change, the ones that don't want anything to do with anything that doesn't involve their own comfort. We're all humans, all God's children. How is it that he made your left pinky more precious than mine?

Once I start working so I can take care of my basic necessities, I will try to reach out to others. I hope I rememebr this post