Trip to America 2010

Overall I’d say it went well. I had mixed feelings about going back, perhaps because I still have issues with the USA, but on the other hand I have a lot of wonderful memories and friends from there. Coming and leaving again was different in a good way this time around as last year was quite emotional. Last year I was “taking the plunge” into something very different and unknown and no one knew when or if I was ever coming back.

When I arrived in Napoli last year I had nothing and basically had to start from scratch. Coming back reaffirmed to me and to my parents that I am not so far away after all. But a month was just enough. Now I am happy to be back in Napoli.

It was a needed vacation as I was in need of a change of scenery and to see my parents again. Quite honestly, it was cool as hell coming to the USA as a half foreigner half local. It was nice to not be a foreigner, to hear English again and to not have to think about what I was saying like I do here at my job. One thing in particular that I missed was driving! I walk everywhere here which is fine as it keeps me in shape but at times, especially at night, I prefer to be in a car. Although my old car, the TC Scion is dearly missed. I was grateful to be able to use my parents cars but to be honest they bore me because they’re both automatics and I prefer a standard shift.

Last and certainly not least, it was nice to see my Brazilian friends again! I seem to have more of them than American friends. Whether that’s true or not I did see more of them on this trip. I dearly missed the churrasco (Brazilian BBQ) the rice, the beans, the pudding and other South American delicacies. Most importantly I missed the easy going spirit of the Brazilians who are culturally similar to Neapolitans.

My best friend Santos was a good friend as always. He even dropped what he was doing to come out and see me right after I called him to tell him that I was back! He then broke my bed (well actually we did!) just sitting on it! It’s very bittersweet to be such good friends with someone because when you’re back you feel like you’re back forever. But the painful reality is that you are just there for a visit. Still, I’d prefer that short stay as opposed to not seeing him for years which Brazilians and other immigrants are painfully used to. I am fortunate indeed that I can come and go between both countries as I please and that I am a citizen of such a vast amount of land.

Santos has not changed a bit and I wouldn’t change him at all really. He wouldn’t be him otherwise. This trip was unique as now I have a bit of immigrant experience and I am able to relate to immigrants a bit better in America now. I am happy to say that Santos was the last friend I saw on this trip just like before I left last year. We went to Elizabeth Park and just chatted for a while and had some deep discussions which if you can’t have these kinda chats, then in my opinion the caliber of your friendship is somewhat lacking.

Now for the ups and downs of the trip and I’ll start with the downs to end this whole thing on a positive note. As I mentioned above, just a month was all I wanted in the USA. I still don’t want to live there or work there again because all the reservations and criticism that I’ve always had are still true. What keeps me away is US society. For the most part, I still find it a cold place, immature, very informal, insecure of itself and above all……fake. Perhaps this is just New England, but I’ve met Americans from all over the USA and some have the temperament of a New Englander if not worse! Someone told me that if I were to move to Chicago, LA or other parts of the USA I’d be trading apples for apples. Sure, it would be a nice change but in the end it’s still the USA.

The Food: Italian food wins hands down here! It is hard to find decent fresh food in the USA and it was kinda disturbing to be at the mercy of American cuisine. The best places that I like to go to are ethnic specific restaurants: Indian, Brazilian, Asian and if they can get it right, Italian. But I still loathe all the major chain restaurants. The first thing I did when I got here in Napoli was get a real pizza and man was it buonissima! La pizza napoletana has a specific taste to it that I’ve never had in the USA.

Going to restaurants irritates me in the USA too. Wait staff are overly courteous as they are trying to get a good tip outta you, but some come off as just so fake. In fact I find it disturbing that you HAVE to tip in the USA. A tip is a sign of appreciation from a customer, not part of the bill. This ‘have to tip’ mentality to me just screams a hidden….GIMME!

Going out: Sadly, I am not surprised when I see fights break out in the bars and clubs. Almost every dude in there seems to walk around with a chip on his shoulder. U look at someone the wrong way, u bump into someone and it’s cause for a scuffle. This is something I rarely if ever experience in Napoli. Sure enough I saw a dude get thrown out of the Pour House in Hartford and then he tried wresting with 3 bouncers. Brilliant numbnuts.

One thing I that I have gotten used to here in Italy, is NOT being carded and it’s so nice to buy alcohol freely without being asked for documents and getting your hand stamped with some ink that takes forever to get off. I feel like a cow being branded! A few times last month, I had to go back home and get my license because I had forgotten how tightly controlled alcohol is the in the USA.

The weather: While we can’t control Mother Nature we can certainly control where we live. For as hot as Napoli gets, the weather is subtropical and not as extreme as CT. CT is anywhere from boiling to frostbite cold and quiet honestly it’s too extreme for me. It was such a blessing to not see snow last winter!

AC: The idea is to condition the air, not freeze it! I was so cold walking into grocery stores and getting hit with that blast of cold air. It could be 90 out and 50 in the stores. Mamma mia! That’s how one catches a cold! Or is it possible that there is some conspiracy with the pharmaceutical companies and retail stores across the nation in light of recent health care reforms?!

Americans: my opinion of too many of them is this…..Arrogant, ignorant, insecure, fake, cold, impatient hot headed, and socially strange. Here’s something I don’t understand. Twice on my trip there, my Brazilian friends were asked 2 questions. 1. Where are you from, which is an honest neutral question and God knows I get asked that here, which is absolutely fine. 2. Do you have a green card?........................................ What is the point in asking this question?! It’s rather intrusive really and none of our business. I felt bad for my friends but they took it with a grain of salt when really the salt needs to be thrown back into the face of those who ask and if applicable in a nice fresh cut!

No one asks me my legal status here in Italy unless they get to know me. Point being, I am not asked that on introduction. Rather I am asked if I am here for work or study which I find to be a very neutral fair question. Italian society is what keeps me in Italy. While I have some issues with Italians and Italian society, I prefer them over Americans.

Public music: a small pet peeve albeit one worth mentioning. I have worked in many jobs that involved customer service and the music seems to be this satellite link fed to all chain stores in the USA. The music is recycled stuff from the past 30 years, some good, some just boring and overplayed. In Italy, the tendency is to put on the radio and often I hear dance/house kinda music.

Italians: aside from coming to a new country and changing their lives drastically, I don't fully understand Italians dieing love for the USA. Their perception of the USA and of Americans in my opinion make them seem very naive. I tell them all the time that the USA only bears a small resemblance to what they see in films and what they read about America. But it is possible to have a comfortable life in the USA if you are willing to work hard. One thing is for sure, the USA is not a cheap country by far.

Now the positives……

Americans: In some aspects we are laid back more than traditional ethnic countries and it create a somewhat relaxed mentality on certain things. My ex here in Italy used to tell me that I am always so calm in certain situations whereas I guess an Italian would make a big deal out similar situations.

For all my complaints about Americans and American society, it is like any other society in which people are people no matter where you go. I’ve always said that in every country there exists every kinda type of personality, the good the bad and the ugly. Just that when you go to a different country the culture changes and gives everything a whole new taste. Americans are definitely more independent and rely less on la mamma. But this is strictly on a case by case basis. It’s hard to generalize when you have a population of 310,216,000 people.

I know some absolutely wonderful people back home whom I would take any day over certain types of Italians here. My parent’s neighbors for example are two wonderful people who I was very happy to see again. There are plenty of people in the USA who made my trip even better just by talking to them. It was nice to not be a foreigner, to understand everyone around me and to just speak normally. (I don’t have major communication problems here in Italy, but at times I do get confused, especially when it comes to humor and logico napoletano).

More fundamentally, I suppose this trip back home gave me a better sense of identity. I am an American citizen because I was born and raised in the USA. But at the same time I am also Italian (legally and mentally). It’s impossible to ignore my last name, my family history and that we still have a few relatives who don’t speak English (we had more in the past few years). I love the fact that my last name is napoletano and that here it’s a normal last name that everyone can pronounce. It’s also cool to hear my father’s name Salvatore, used so commonly like John and Mike in the USA. More importantly, I don’t want to lose my heritage which I am proud of so what better way to preserve it than by going to where my ancestors came from? Now I have two different visions of Italy. The old country and Italy for what it is today; grown up and with their history, culture and traditions closely woven together.

So living here in Italy, it makes me feel right in between both countries and I suppose at times in a world all my own due to cultural confusion. Where does that leave me? I don’t care. The important thing is to be happy.

The highlights of my trip: Going to NY to see some friends. Going to Boston to see my sister and seeing here again at her salon (she’s an esthetician). Seeing Green Day when I didn’t know they were even in town! Seeing Slayer, Megadeth and Testament. Seeing friends and family that I didn’t think I was gonna see. Brian Morey for example was an unexpected surprise. Driving again. Living in a house with no bills or no responsibility, AMERICAN CABLE TV!! (I love the History channel!) And lot but not least, seeing my parents again as well as my two best friends, Tim and Santos. So yeah, I am glad I went back and I’ll go back again for another visit, but a month was enough. It was my first time going to the USA being 30 years old and it made me wonder what my life could be like if I had stayed and gotten a half way decent job. I may go back and it is nice to know that I always have that option.