Walking

Yes, walking. I subscribe to a certain logic when I walk and that is the rules of the road. Quite simply, I wish people would think about how they drive when they walk. What does that mean: when you drive what side of the road do you stick to? In most countries, the right side and since I grew up in America and live in Italy where the driving is the same, this will be my base of reference. I get so annoyed when I am on a sidewalk, metro, grocery store or some public place and I am constantly bumping into people. I can't tell you how many times I approach a corner, or an area where I have to turn and I almost butt heads with someone. In the grocery store you need to stop and look before you exist an aisle and keep the cart to the right side! Park it when you need to look for an item.

What also irritates me is how some people just have no sense of space. This also includes personal space, although this might be a key difference between US and Italian society as Italians' personal space is smaller than Americans'. What I mean is when people don't realize who are what are around them. One of the biggest frustrations here are Italians who stand in the middle of an area where people walk (such as the entrance to a store) and don't realize they are there till someone says excuse me.

I am not saying this is a rule that must be strictly adhered to as there are situations in which it is difficult to maintain order in public places, but I think this general logic can help to make walking, moving and getting to places much easier. I suppose though I will always find much frustration here in Italy as people don't seem to get this logic 100%. Furthermore, I walk much faster than people here, even when I have my arms full of groceries. One thing you'll never catch me doing is standing in the middle where people walk to get organised or worse, to look at a map!! Finally, I don't want to sound inhumane so I of course realize when someone has a disability or is elderly. In that case I won't rush up behind them. However, if you are slow walker, be you elderly, disabled or simply have a slower pace, I think you should think of the road once again. Slow moving vehicles on the right and the left lane is the passion lane!

Ok. Let's continue with this Rome thing!

Back in Rome. After much deliberation, I have returned. Why? Well, I had found two teaching jobs in Boston, but I cant afford to live in the Boston area and I didn’t want to stay at home any longer as my parents and I don’t see eye to eye on certain things. But that’s natural. Anyway, I wanted to give Rome and Italy another chance. This is my second home and I have a new teaching job which is vastly different than the gig in Ostia. I’ll be teaching in public schools, morning hours and I get to select the hours I want to work. The pay seems like it’s going to be a lot more than Ostia. Lets hope so! I move into my new flat on the 1st of Oct and it’s a shared flat like in the past. So, lets hope these dudes believe in cleaning and mutual respect!

I had hoped for a monolocale (studio apartment) but the damn things are expensive and far away. This new apartment was a stroke of luck. I live right behind the Vatican with a Brazilian guy who didnt ask for a deposit or a contract. He's a simple clean person who has been very kind to me. He also has an adorable pit bull mix named Lilly. It's so nice to live with a dog again! My morning commute to work takes me right across the Vatican to the metro and it's easier than I thought to get to my high school. Its a good thing I took this place as the other room in Garbatella cancelled on me at the last minute. It's funny how life works out, I get more entertainment from it than TV!

Beard.

The weather is getting nicer and my scholastic year is finishing in a few months. Thank God! This has been a great learning experience but it has made me aware of the following: my weaknesses, strengths and teaching preferences. For as much as like kids (I am kid at heart at times) I realize I don't like teaching them as when I have to be a babysitter I really detest it. It's entirely possible I haven't found my authoritative side yet, but that doesn't matter as that is not my idea of teaching.

So I am going to resume my usual job hunt which is quite often an overwhelming task because I feel intimidated by some of the job requirements. There is also the magic question of....where. I am happy to work in all three countries where I have lived, but my gut is telling me to get out of Italy as there is simply never any good news here or any clear future for mine or the younger generations. But I suppose I would stay if I could find better teaching conditions. It's all going to depend on the job and conditions.

I have a beard now. It takes months to grow in to look full, but to be honest I appreciate what I have. A beard has an interesting effect on a man in that it makes you feel more masculine and for me it's a connection with men of the past. There have been great men of power who had beards, Christ for example. I'll prob shave it off though in the warmer months as I sweat enough in the summer month with short hair and no beard! Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hair obsession and I have always had an appreciation for the beard. It's taken years but it looks better than it did 10 years ago. Every man is different in their growth patterns.

Quo Vado?

Quo vado is an Italian comedy movie made this year which highlights typical Italian stereotypes. Some are quite true. Anyway, I have put Quo Vado as the title of this entry as it means in half Latin and Italian "Where do I go?". Quite befitting for me these days as I am once again in a state of confusion and trying to figure out just where I want to set up roots as I have severe doubts that it's gonna be here in Italy. I like it here but I am looking at stability and long term now rather than just the quick fix, although that option is always alluring.

My goal for this year is to make a definitive decision in order to have a clear direction for the future. And I hope I am able to put words into action as we're all bravi behind the keyboard with wonderful ideas that are easy to say, harder to do. I think John Lennon was famous for that, "We have to work for peace". That's nice and noble but where's the meat? I digress for a moment...I am not at all a John Lennon fan. I think he was an egocentric, pretentious fake. I don't wish death on anyone, however. Anyway, by the summer I want a clear idea of what I want to do. But I am overwhelmed with the choices I have. I have my American and Italian passports which allow me to work on two big continents in thousands of different scenarios and thus leaves me with a lot of what ifs. But I suppose that's normal. However I believe I am narrowing down my options and I think I will try to continue with teaching although I am seriously thinking of the UK and possibly the US again. I just don't see much of a future here in Italy unless I get a job with an English and or American company, doing what is a big mystery.

I had a parent-teacher meet and greet last night and it was interesting. It was nice and humbling to see the faces of the loving and hard working parents who pay good money to send their kids to my school. In a way it inspires me to take my job more seriously. I have changed my attitude towards my work as I want to take it seriously even if I may not stay here past the summer. It is nonetheless still worth it to do my best, leave on good terms and get the experience from it. Only one parent I didnt like and it was the child's London grandmother who said "our daughter isn't the only one having problems in the class". That is unfair to paint me into a corner and it opens up the door for gossip. Their daughter is a brat and an unmotivated student. I don't know if my lessons with the kids are the best or the most exciting, but I teach and I want them to learn. However I can always improve.

I find it amazing that am considering the USA again. I used to hate it, but my last few visits were kinda nice and it was great to not feel a foreigner for once, although I am certainly used to the idea living here since 2009. Why would I go back? Not because I am a ultra patriot nor do I believe it is the "Greatest country on the planet", but I am looking the stability factor and the fact that I turn 36 in 9 days. However this going to take some more deep hard thinking.

Racism in TV commercials

I don't care, this needs posting. I've been noticing TV commercials for the better part of a decade and since then I have noticed an overrepresentation of blacks vs. whites. In so many scenarios, I have seen situations where you have a white man and black man and very often the white man is portrayed as the inferior of the two. By inferior I mean he often is seen as the weaker one, nerdy, an idiot, socially awkward and in the end, the black man is the who comes out as the smarter one, or simply having the visual advantage.

In my opinion this is stupid and wrong and not a representation of reality. Each race has its good bad and the ugly, no one is spared. I've lived in three different countries so I base part of this belief on that. I think this is all a backlash of affirmative action in which society tried to reverse years of black discrimination. To do this, blacks (and prob other minorities) were given favor in areas of jobs and other social advantages. I believe that was a flawed system from the onset. I don't believe in the rocking of the social pendulum until we have equality. Based on TV commercials and hiring procedures which practice ratio quotas, we are seeing the inverse effect which is favoring people when they really don't deserve it. Blacks had problems in the past, yes I admit it. I wasn't there and I wouldn't practice it even today. That's besides the point yes, but the bottom line is this: I don't believe in privileges. Get in line and be humble and live life on your own merits.

What's pathetic is that I think it's considered racist to even bring something like this up. Those who know me and those who are able to look at life objectively will understand me. Here is an example of what I am saying. I am saying however that all commercials are like this. Not at all, but there have been enough out there where I have taken notice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdxiLQxC1n4. An example of what I mean.

CT bound...for now

I am almost done here at Aston and this dissertation is dragging out like a blade. But I am nearing the finish. I am at the results where I report what was said in my interviews and then relate it to theory. Then the conclusion where I make some profound claim, argument etc etc which is going to be an equally profound moment in my dissertation. I have no idea what grade I'll get as I feel I've put a lot of effort into it, which I have, but Aston and their critical grading never cease to surprise. For better or for worse. But I am sure it's decent and I won't fail. In all honesty I don't care if I just pass it as it wont do anything to my overall grade. I need a 65 to get an overall merit for the whole MA, which in their infinite mercy they give me. Well actually I shouldn't say that as God is in charge of that!

So, not having a job lined up I will go back to CT for a bit on Sat, finish my dissertation there and mail it in. There are mostly ups to going there. 1. Hot weather 2. My parents. 3. friends 4. Boston + NY 5. Driving again 6. Peace and quiet. The downsides are my 1. My parents as I don't always like staying there 2. No more Europe and I have no idea if I'll come back here to work anytime soon. If I get hired here in England I'll take that position as I really want to stay here in Europe and England is alright as a country, even though my heart is in Italy. Although, if I found a job that paid 60,000$ in America I think I'd take it. In all likelihood, I see myself going to Saudi Arabia for a year as I need a job and I can't not work.

I am once again at a major crossroads and I am always nervous about making the wrong decision or making one that will have a effect on my life that I don't want or leave me kicking myself later for it. My instincts tell me to hold out and wait for a decent job and maybe one that is slightly below my pay expectations to then develop professionally. But on the other hand I cannot wait around at my parents not working as I am going to go beserk! A job though in Saudi would cut me off from pretty much everything including possible romantic possibilities which in light of tonight, might be possible

Cristina seems to want to get back together, which I have mixed feelings about. She is a complicated girl and I need to see her in person or at least on the phone to clear things up. I am not going to get into it here, as I could be here all night. I will just say this. I am not basing my life on her at this point. If she happens to fit in somewhere I'll deal with her when the time comes.

Seeing the finish line

I am actually in a good mood today, I must say. This will be a somewhat positive post, a bit of a rarity for me as most of mine are a tad melancholy and surreal. I mean every day has its ups and downs and I don't usually have only a good day as there are ugly moments, like now as this damn cough won't go away which I've had since June. But I've had blood tests, chest X-ray, ultrasound on my neck, chest listenings and prob a few other things (I love the NHS, I paid nothing) but nothing sinister is suspected. In the meantime I am taking a health powder supplement that my friend Shazia sells. It's supposed to restore our immune system and be some kinda magic health restorer. Ok. We'll see if it works. She swears by it and she's quite a serious person who says it fixed a lot of her health problems.

Today I apply for jobs. I need find something soon as this will determine where I spend the next chapter of my life. I am halfway done with the dissertation at 8,500 words and I think I will be done at the end of the month. I'd like to travel to Dublin for a weekend then go to see my parents for na decina di giorni (roughly ten days). But if I find a job before that I may be going directly there be it here, the Middle East, Italy or the USA. Those are my choices. In reality I see myself staying here or heading off to Oman or Saudi Arabia. I saw a job which pays SICK cash, and I applied with a response from them requesting my documents. I replied. But after having looked at the forums that talked and complained about this company on Daveseslcafe.com it might not be all it's cracked up to be and I remain doubtful as to the validity of the ad. Oh well, if it's as good as they claim that would nice but if not, there are other options out there.

So today, I take some free time from my dissertation and focus on myself and job hunting. I am happy though as this dissertation which I've dubbed "the monster" is not as tremendously as hard as I had predicted yet it is difficult. I still have to send off my sample work to my supervisor but I am confident she'll like it and won't suggest radical changes! She better not!