Future plans

I have neglected this blog. Yes, I know. But it does serve as kind of a diary for me and to look back at moments of my life in recent years. Anyway. My life has changed a lot in the past 2 years. Firstly, I am living with my gf Valeria here in Rome and it's going well although no relationship is perfect. Those who paint theirs out to be as such, are liars and or good actors. Second, I have really changed my mindset from existing to focusing on living. What do I mean by this? I am looking to get out of teaching eventually and possibly into entrepreneurship in the future. One of the first steps to doing this are two things. I'd like to write a book on my experiences here in Italy and then I'd like to promote it on a youtube channel. The youtube channel is somewhat of a gamble and it will most likely be a test of patience and probably of my own mental and linguistic capabilities. Why linguistic? Well, anyone who knows me, knows that I stutter, talk too fast and at times I am incomprehensible. I made a practice video yesterday and as painful as it is to watch myself on camera, it was necessary to recognize the flaws in my speaking style. I will HAVE to slow down and focus on clarity if I want to captivate a Youtube audience. Also, I want to keep the focus on living and vacationing here in Italy because I feel people could benefit from advice before coming. I will use myself as an example; I think talking about something from someone who has lived something makes it more real. In other words, practice over theory.

Another milestone for me was having invested in the stock market. I have been studying stocks since last fall and I feel it is a wise choice and a way to provide for myself (maybe just in part, we'll see) when I am past retirement age. Is it risky? Yes. So why did I do it? I invested in a good company, a major one and also I bought into a fund that tracks and pays out the return of the overall SP 500 market performance. In my opinion this is a defensive strategy but I feel it will pay off in the following decades. My next goal is to look for companies that focus on products that everyone uses, toothpaste for example. How can I keep buying more stock? Patience is key. I will set aside some money each month which I will then use to put into the market and in the investing world this is called dollar cost averaging. This way a consistent amount of money is invested no matter what market conditions are. Anyone who looks at stock and market performance sees that it goes up and down, thus you are catching the dips and peaks evenly.

For those still following or if anyone comes across this blog, watch out for me on Youtube!

Almost 38

It's high time I post something for 2018! I've found out that perhaps my students are reading this and that's fine as I have nothing to hide and they seem respectful of my privacy. Anyway, today is my mother's birthday and she's 70. Yikes! I take aging now with a grain of salt and a gift from God that I am still here considering all those who left prematurely. That grain of salt includes its color which I now see specks of in my hair and as much as I don't like it I have to accept it. At least I am not bald! Things are fine with Valeria and I as I moved in with her 2 months ago. I do miss my single independent life but if I want a family someday, some things need to be sacrificed. But with relationships you never know how things will turn out to be honest. For now I am quite happy with her, although no relationship is perfect. She quite enjoyed herself in the USA and I still can't believe she came to see the place where I grew up. Actually, I like that she came as it's nice to get an outsider's opinion of Connecticut. It was bitterly cold, even for us but I think the fact that she has me as a guide and we have cars and that my parents house is super warm made all the difference and she was able to enjoy herself. I liked introducing her to my parents and relatives and our day out in Boston was very nice despite the continued cold! Another highlight was having her meet my friends and this was good for her English!

I really have a few simple yet significant goals this year. 1. I want to get a full health inspection which will happen as soon as I get my health card in a month or two. I think I am fine but I want get a few blood tests and have my cholesterol checked. 2. My continued research into stocks and trading as I feel this is the wise choice for my future and it could be very profitable in a few decades (give or take!). It's frustrating as I have always shunned finance and numbers in general. I am overwhelmed but how much there is to learn, but if you want results, you gotta put in the work. I have learned a lot in the past few months and little by little I am getting closer to deciding how I want to invest my cash. 3. I wouldnt mind a career change as I am not sure teaching is for me anymore. As I get older I am not sure that I can handle the stress of teaching, in particular teens. Italian teens are a challenge as I have 30 kids in one classroom and they are chatterboxes and look for any excuse to joke around and talk about things not relevant to the lesson. Not all of them are this way and I adore some of them. Others make my job quite difficult and when I get angry it is not good for my health. I am open to suggestions and other career opportunities. 4. Last, and definitely not least, I would like to continue to develop and dedicate myself to Valeria. She might be the one and I need some more time to understand this. We have a great relationship and we have the same goals and outlook on life.

Torre Del Greco revisited

Yesterday I went to visit my ancestral home of Torre Del Greco (TDG) to redo my Italian ID card which had been damaged. It was cool that I had an excuse to go back and see it. It was also nice that my friend Paolo drove me there; he works with my gf and he's from a town near Napoli so he was generous to take me there. He also appreciates the same things I do in that town which are also some of the simplest things such as observing the fresh fish in an outdoor market and even observing the quality of the cigarettes some old man was selling! We also enjoyed observing the town's history via the old buildings, some of which were evidence of past grandeur and elegance and the view of the town from the pier at the port.

What I like most about going there is knowing that my roots and my last name are from there. Living here amongst things, people and places which are not directly related to me is fine but going to TDG gives me a small sense of belonging even though they left a century ago and we don't have any immediate family there anymore. Then there is the bureaucratic side of it as I am registered at the town hall as a Torre citizen living abroad. But nonetheless, I am member of that town and I believe I can vote there. It was nice to be able to get my new ID card with no problems, as if to say "Oh good, they remember me!"

Another perk of TDG is that it's right under the Vesuvius volcano and it's an impressive view although a bit scary as vesuvio is a sleeping giant and I do believe that eventually it will explode and wipe TDG right off the map. This is one reason I don't live there as well as fears of other natural disasters. To this people react with disbelief and that I am overreacting, but the fear is justified. Still, with that idea aside, it is tempting to live there although perhaps I am a bit naive as I believe living there on a daily basis would be hard. Not only that but I have a job and a steady relationship here in Rome so I am content to stay here and Rome is not far at all from Campania.

As I said before, Paolo and I appreciated the same things in Torre Del Greco whereas other people might call it an urban dump as the buildings are old and apparently falling apart. It definitely has a stigma to it, not to mention the organized crime aspect to it. Nonetheless, for us it's a piece of history and it's nice to be in a place where tourists don't usually go so we can observe how the average person lives and the original flavor of the place is preserved. That to me is more interesting than tourist traps which as a result make a place lose its authenticity (this may happen in Cuba).

A Torr, ce verrimm n'ata vot, si semp dint' o cor!(My rusty napoletano!)

Cultural arguing.

I frequently mention cultural differences between Italian and American culture here, naturally as this is my background. I participated in one recently via social media which left me quite disturbed and analyzing the whole thing afterwards, even now. It started with a video of a racist white lady who wanted to see a white doctor at a Canadian hospital. I agreed with everyone else that she's ridiculous in making this request and that such behavior is wrong; I think most rational people would agree. Where we differed was our approach to the problem. Living in this country has made me a bit indifferent to these kinds of public tantrums, but only because I think along the lines of that I can't solve the problems of an idiot by voicing my opinion, especially if it's someone I don't know.

The question of what the moral thing to do in these types of situations is not an easy question. The opposing view that I encountered is that we have the moral obligation to do something, but I don't 100% share that opinion as people are going to be jackasses no matter how much we morally intervene and it will continue in the future no matter how many "Dude, did you just say.....that's not cool and you shouldn't say that" moral deputies we create in the future. I have an issue with the idea that someone deems themselves morally qualified to tell someone what is right and what is wrong and I believe that in the long run this could lead to fanaticism in other issues. My continual response is that these matters are subjective; I may not always step in and say something because in fact that is not my nature. I will admit however, that the woman in the video was very belligerent and her behaviour was unacceptable on the basis that she wasn't being reasonable. The fact that she is a racist is not my concern (others would disagree with me, but I don't care) and I have no business telling her what views are right and which are wrong no matter how fucked up hers are. I'd have told her that she's holding up the line and forcing other sick people to wait, people with sick children. Telling her that vs "you're a racist" I think is more effective. She's obviously already accepted herself and that her behaviour, in her eyes, is ok. In fact in the video she was told repeatedly by everyone to go to a hospital to which she refused. Thus she was very unreasonable and in my opinion THAT warranted public intervention.

Here's where the culture aspect comes in. I can't stand the way some Americans argue. A family member once told me that what Americans don't like is when someone doesn't agree with them (quite right) as they are often arrogant enough to believe that their view is the right one, we should all agree and everyone else is wrong. This I say from numerous observations with my own countrymen but granted this is only one man's experience, take it for what it's worth. What is most irritating is when people become condescending, patronizing and downright insulting. The American approach to many arguments is just this and quite often people are immature and most importantly, they are not objective. I am not saying this is local to only Americans, but that is the focus of this entry. In this I am more comfy arguing with an Italian as they are in fact objectively minded when they argue and can tell the difference between a matter of different opinion and it doesn't bother them. Not the case in the USA as an American feels insulted when you don't agree with them.

What is particularly dangerous (and irritating) is when you combine intelligence with being condescending. I am not admitting defeat in the video in question (the Canadian bigot) as intervening isn't 100% wrong, but where one loses credibility is when you mix child-like tactics (memes) in an otherwise serious discussion. This is important: you claim to be morally advanced in your approaches to society's social problems yet you resort to patronizing when faced with a view contrary to your own. If you're really more advanced with your ideas you wouldn't need to be insulting; how you can take someone serious with all this considered?? How can you be vulgar and insulting, yet still preach morality? I can be vulgar myself (note the F bomb before) but there is a time and place for it and at times it helps to vent. I am of the view that this is an imbalance of intelligence in the sense that someone can be well informed and present a good case, yet you lack the ability to operate with tact which is another form of intelligence in and of itself. This discussion obviously went beyond the video but it was necessary as it opened the door to a wider more profound discussion.

I haven't said anything here that I wouldn't repeat in person. I've only posted this content here as this is my blog and a place where I vent and process my thoughts. Besides I had already said all that I needed to say on fb.

This is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl5JKDIlsbU

Survived high school teaching!

The school year is finished and I am so happy! It was definitely a learning experience, a test of will and patience and I learned a lot. For example, how to be flexible. There are constant interruptions and unexpected elements when you teach and lots of little things that come up that you have to deal with instead of teaching. The clearest example that comes to mind happened just about a month ago. There were 6 girls who were downstairs in the bar having a snack instead of being in class and we were already 10 mins late. I suspected they were downstairs, so there I went! I found then, give them the "no no" finger and left. When we got back I proceeded to give them a disciplinary note. "But prof, it's only the first time it's happened!" Would you listen to that logic? These kids have no concept of being responsible for their actions. I said "and if I shot you in the leg would you wave punishment with the logic of it being "only the first time"? Please. As a result, all 6 got a lower grade for their behavior mark on their report card.

I am optimistic about the future. I am going to try and take advantage of the fact that we are in Rome and that there are plenty of jobs in my field. My goal is to finally be able to save up some cash instead of just living paycheck to paycheck. What is nice is that I have a job and that my current employer wants me back. This is good to know as others aren't so fortunate. I will however choose to reduce my high school hours and ask to continue my work in companies like I am doing now. Then I have my summer gig in England which is stressful but necessary and every year I wonder if it'll be my last. Ideally I'd love to just work 2 weeks there so for some extra cushion money. Who knows, maybe it'll be possible next year. Lastly, I am happy with my relationship with Valeria. She is a wonderful person and we have a possible future together. I still need time to be totally convinced but like the alcoholics say, one day at a time".

Post 37

I don't want to say this is a sad blog as a lot my posts are somewhat melancholy, but as I think about it, I write when I am a bit down. Today has been a rather negative day. I have a cold again for the 3rd time since Xmas and I'd like to know why. I am a hypochondriac so I never like feeling unwell but I think my cold is due to three things: The cold weather has returned, I live a big city where germs are everywhere and I work around teens. Lucky me. What also sucked about today was that I think I made one of my teachers mad. I took forever to grade tests and give them back to her and I think she also might have the impression that I haven't really explored the exam I am supposedly preparing my students for. It's true unfortunately, and it's true as nothing to me is more boring than reading something (or anything!) academic in my free time! But if I want to stay in good standing at my job I'll have to do as she says. I am also cat sitting till tomorrow and this is the last time! Honestly, I would never keep an animal in a small apartment.

I am 37. The older I get the more I try not to look at the number. Whatever. I am getting older and I look at it this way: we're all in this ride together and some of us get off too soon. I do like it how people always think I am younger and I think I will age gracefully. But to be honest, this is not really the life I want for myself at my age. At my age, I want a quiet house all to myself (for the time being) and a CAR for fucks sake! This is something I have dearly missed. I also have mixed feelings about where I work; I like my job as it is a great experience and I feel important to the kids who some of them love me. Yet, the pay is still just typical Italian pay and I am living pay check to pay check and it provides such little stability for the future. Thus I will be forced to go back to England this summer to make up lost wages and the practical thing to do is stay the whole damn summer and then rest here in Rome! I think I will look for more work in Rome and maybe leave Darby as the only reason I'd stay is because I hate always jumping jobs. But when I am going to stop saying maybe and make up my damn mind?!? This is my achilles heel in life and I pray for the courage to make a change. I think what keeps me here is this inner desire to be Italian. That's the bane of my problem if we want to call it that. I feel as if I move back to the States or even elsewhere, I will lose part of my identity even though that really isn't true. Like the alcoholics say, one day at a time.

I am also dating one of my students, Valeria who is a lawyer my age from Sicily. I adore her and we're a great couple and although she has many good qualities I need time to fall in love and to see if I am going to make more definite plans with her. I like her as she is Catholic, sensibile, intelligent and has a beautiful smile. She's also a kind and warm person which are traits I look for in women. Physically she isn't my first choice but I am trying to figure out where my priorities lie and what I consider important. Needless to say she will be part of my influence to stay in this country any further.

First post 2017.

I have just got back from the USA and my Xmas vacations. They were quick, that's for sure but I am happier to be back this year than in past years. I like my life better this year than the previous one as I live in a better place, I make a bit more cash and I don't have as much stress like that I did in Ostia last year although Ostia was a constructive year, as painful as it was. It went fine this year in Connecticut. I didn't get into as many arguments with my parents although they were difficult as to be expected. I suppose you just need to pick your battles but at times its hard to avoid arguing with them. Although I must admit, what they call an argument for me is a simple disagreement or difference of opinion. I do hate seeing them age but then again I am ageing too!

Some of the highlights: For some reason, one of the first things that comes to mind is hockey. I went to see a Umass Amherst college hockey game and it was nice as there wasn't a lot of people and it was a chance to be with my dad. He criticized my driving on the way up, but he drives defensively and so anyone in comparison is a maniac! Anyway, they lost but it was a simple night. Then I went ice skating at Bolton Ice Palace and it was great. It made me wish I was still playing hockey as quite honestly it is one of the few sports that stimulate my senses and satisfy my need for, well, speed! But it was also emotional as I started playing there when I was 14 and I stopped 15 years ago. I'd def play again if I lived in the area and I think I'd play better as I am in better shape now. Seeing Tim's kids was nice as they are adorabile and full of energy. Tim remains one of my best friends and it's obvious why: he's a no bullshit guy, direct, honest and doesn't give a rats ass about being PC. Also he is a great mentor in the Catholic faith.

My parents rented me a car and it was a pretty sweet ride, a 2016 Dodge Charger. It was like I had my own car again and it's also something that I have dearly missed. Although you don't need a car per say here in Rome. New Year's was fine as I went to the old Rookie's in Cromwell and I didn't get drunk at all! I spent it with Rodrigo and it's always nice seeing him. I got to see Santos twice, Kim for a coffee and a round at Margherita's and I even saw Brianne this time and got to meet her fiancé, although I already knew him from high school. Xmas was fine except my allergies got the best of me. I must be allergic to the USA or more specifically, carpeting! I detest it and I find it useless. I was kinda sick at Xmas and the combination of jet lag didnt help! Yeah, it was fine this trip back and I got to spend plenty of time relaxing at home. I also took pics of Tolland as if I was a tourist. I visited the Benton Homestead, the cemetery near Crandalls park where I found 18th century gravestones and one who was at Lexington and Concord, and I took some shots of the town green.

Do I want to move back? Not right now and I say that every year. For now I am going to work till the end of the school year and then decide if my current job is worth another year here in Roma. As I get older moving back to the USA does appeal even more. Kim and AJ (my niece's husband) gave me some good career advice, alternatives to teaching which would be recruiting or working at a university but not as a teacher. For example, I could be an academic advisor. It's definitely something to think about. I just worry that moving back I'd regret it and I'd miss being Italian and soaking up the culture here. But I am getting to the point where I would and might choose a better paying job in the US over treading water here. I think each year that passes I think about it more. I enjoy my life here as Italy is my second home and I feel very Italianized. Just before I boarded the bus to the airport my dad said "It never gets any easier" and I was surprised he said that. I am guessing (hell I know) that the more time passes the more he wants me back. I understand his and my mom's thoughts, but I need to do what is best for me. I will in the end, I have made numerous changes in my life as I eventually leave bad situations when I feel it's in my best interest. Whether it's a bad idea to stay here I cannot say, but I will need to find more stability. I'd like for it be here but I can't make a single man's salary forever, especially if the good Lord blesses me with a wife and kids.